A few days ago, I wrote about the "Dark Night of the Soul."
Some may try to guess what or when that "night" may be or have been,
what ghosts haunt me-
what grief has stricken me-
to have caused such pain and depression.
I wanted a label to put on this malady,
so a doctor said, "You are Bipolar."
And I believed it.
Someone recently said to me,
"You are NOT Bipolar. You have a diagnosis of Bipolar. It does NOT define You."
I'm not sure this story is ready to be told
because the process of healing
has just begun and the truth hurts.
I know that Jesus IS "The Light of the Word
and in HIM THERE is NO darkness at all."
Jesus also said, "I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows me will NEVER WALK IN DARKNESS, BUT WILL HAVE THE LIGHT OF LIFE." John 8:12
And He can heal in an instant
because that is WHO HE IS.
Beth Moore is my favorite Bible teacher of all time.
She dares to be real,
And I don't know about you,
but I'm so tired of the "religious."
I want "real" igious.
Beth said it this way,
"I wonder what kind of healing would come if we got real."
People don't need for us to act like we have it all together.
People want us to "be whom we seem."
Sometimes I am so brutally honest that it scares people.
Not everyone can appreciate that.
As a young child, growing up in a strict evangelical home,
I had to be all things to all people.
I suffered greatly at the hands of those well-meaning "religious" leaders
who often said,
"Pretty is as pretty does,"
I can tell you I wasn't that "pretty,"
but as I look back on it,
I was a mere child.
Pretty didn't talk back.
Pretty didn't wear make-up.
Pretty didn't wear slacks.
Pretty didn't go to movies.
Pretty didn't make out with boys.
Shoot, pretty didn't swim with boys!
Being a PK (Preacher's Kid)
was is not easy.
And that label has attached itself to me with such
strong adhesive that although I have
ripped peeled it off
the thread is still attached to the fabric or the glue is still sticky.
Sometimes it feels like I still sit on the "Second Row, Piano Side."
Beth said, "When you truly get FREE, you will have a far greater ministry
because you have known the POWER of HIS HEALING!"
Someone told me yesterday,
"God has brought you here for this time,
not last year, not 10 years ago,
not even when he called you in 1987."
Something else (and yes, I'm rambling. It's what I do best:)
Beth said, "God is peeling away the layers-layer by layer."
She added, which I think is PROFOUND,
"I knew MY HEALER better than the healing."
I want to know the healer.
The healing will come.
I am reading JESUS.
I am soaking in HIM.
I don't want to know the rules of the church.
(I have it memorized anyway!)
I don't want to know what some religious leader or theologian thinks.
I want to know JESUS.
I want to know the HEALER.
What I am learning from the Healer is something I didn't learn from an institution...
...I HAVE VALUE AS HIS CHILD.
I AM REDEEMED.
I AM CHOSEN-I AM ADOPTED AS HIS DAUGHTER.
HIS GRACE HAS BEEN LAVISHED ON ME.
I AM SAVED THROUGH FAITH
THAT IS NOT OF MYSELF OR YOU THAT WE MAY BE ABLE TO BOAST
BUT IS IN
Yes, it's written in ALL CAPS because I am screaming it!
I don't know that I have ever truly believed this.
Today I do.
This defines me.