Missing Home

Looking back, I see that I've only blogged

about 5 times since before Christmas. 

It's been a really hard winter for us. 

David and I have been sick. 

We've both been to urgent care once 

and to the doctor twice in less than a month.

I had an asthma attack one night.

I will NEVER let my inhaler expire again.

We've managed to work, which has not 

necessarily been a good thing, giving 

our bodies little time to rest.

I had a tooth pulled which afforded me a 

few days off from work which I needed.

I've been in hibernation mode.

Spring is teasing me and playing with my emotions.

It's not been a cold winter in TN, 

but a dreary one with lots of gray skies 

and rain, cool and warm temperatures.

No Real Winter!

It will soon be 6 years in March since I've talked to my daddy.

This was his happy place.

This was home.

My husband's family lives on the other side of the lake now. 

Although I'm happy for them, it's hard 

to look across the water and see the old home place.

As I've said before, the hardest thing about 

going "home" is having no "home" to go home to. 

My daughter sent me a message this morning 

that they wanted to go "home" for a weekend.

She said, "Where will we stay?"

Right.  That's an issue. 

This is the image of my daddy that is forever etched in my mind.

The hard, hurting memories have now been replaced with 

good ones...

his teaching the little ones how to bait a hook 

and throw a pole or reel a fish in. 

I just wish he were here to teach my little ones...sniff! sniff!

I think the kids would like to go back here for a day.

It wasn't magnificent but it was home. 

I have many regrets, 

like why didn't we buy the home place.

We could have. 

We were just so ready to get away from all the pain. 

I've always heard, "Make no major decisions the first year."

I wish we had listened.

Some days, I long for the familiar. 

There are challenges with living near your grown children. 

We were empty nested for 13 years. 

We were on our own. 

We answered only to God. 

Sometimes the kids don't understand how we have changed. 

We're older. 

Sometimes, older looks "lazy."

We get tired easier.

Sometimes tired looks "depressed."

We like staying put and being home. 

Sometimes, staying put looks like

"you don't want to spend time with the children."

My longing for home, doesn't mean

I'm ready to move back. 

It just means I remember and I miss 

what can never be again. 

It's grieving and letting go. 

The first year here was our honeymoon. 

Now we are doing real life. 

Real life is hard. 

Change is not easy.

I think it takes us older ones a little longer to adjust. 

My kids may not see it like that. 

I'm gonna touch base with you guys for a bit, 

visit, then it's off to work I go.