Tuesday, February 20, 2018

For Such a Time as This

My sister is my best friend.  She seems to know what I need even before she knows the need.
She sent this email to me, copied of course, but spot on!
I saw a wooden boat turned upside down on the shoreline of a frozen lake, and the Lord said, "You have been beached for a season.  The environment has been harsh and you have been relatively sidelined, but the time is near for you to launch out into the waters of My Spirit and do what you have been called to do.  You will begin to navigate your life in a way that will fulfill your destiny and be rewarding at the same time."
"May He grant you according to your heart's desire and fulfill all your purpose."
Psalm 20:4
My mama used to say, "Don't wish your life away." She said that many times when she'd hear me say, "I wish Friday would hurry and get here. I can't wait to graduate.  I can't wait to get married and get out of here." 
And she was right. 
I feel like I've spent so much of my time stuck in the What-if  and I wish wondering when the I am will come.
Right now, I am wishing for this job to be done.  I am sooo very tired.  I don't know that I have ever endured such a beating to my self-esteem.  My boss is harsh and hard and wants perfection. While I wonder how good will come out of this, I realize that everything is not about me.  Maybe I have been here for such a time as this, to help someone else. 
I think of the sweet wife who cares for her wandering husband day and night, afraid that she'll close her eyes or turn her head for a moment, and he'll be gone.  She keeps child-proof locks on doors and drawers and cabinets and appliances so he can't drink or eat the cleaning products, cough syrup, rat poison or syrup.  She's struggling now with blood pressure and heart issues and she fears what will happen if or when she's gone. She longs to visit her children who serve as missionaries in another country, but there is no respite.
I think of the mother with the special needs adult child who keeps working past retirement just to keep her sanity because she knows there will never be a time when she ceases to be a caregiver.  
I think of the husband whose wife no longer recognizes him.  She screams at him to get out of her house, because he's a stranger to her now.  He's not the young man she remembers.  She even screams at the woman in the mirror who is staring at her.  She no longer recognizes herself. 
I think of a cowboy who made a living breeding, training, riding horses and winning medals.  In his present reality, he continues to breed, train and ride.  At 3:00 every afternoon, he pushes through to get home to feed the horses.  He becomes combative, irate, cursing and fighting for a way to get out of the prison that has him bound.
I think of a broken man who snapped, beat his wife, and landed himself in a prison cell.  There he was beaten and broken and left to die.  Born with CP, he had to fight his entire life. He continues to fight, cares for his 93 year old mom and will always be a hero in my eyes.  His courage and determination amazes me!  God is a redeeming God!
I think of a little lady whose words are all tangled between Italy and America. She is convinced it all happened after her son in law threw her in the river. (He didn't)  She doesn't know how she survived. Her  perception is her present reality.
I hear countless times a day,
"My daddy's a Baptist Preacher." 
"I'm from Southwest Georgia, Alllbeenie (Albany), GA."
"Where are you originally from?"
"What time is it?  When will my wife be here?"
"Is someone in the bathroom?"
"I've got to get home and feed the cows."
"My daddy will be home soon.  He doesn't know where I am."
And from those who can't speak,
it's a push and a shove, a grunt or a bark or a squeal
just to get someone, anyone to pay attention.
Yes, I'm tired.  But sad, too.  Sad to admit that I can't handle it.  Sad to say goodbye even when I know it's in my best interest.  Sad because I wonder who will listen now.  Oh, I'm not on an ego-trip.  I just know that to some, it's just a job. Some don't have time for families. To some, it's all about the money. 
So, when you say a prayer tonight, remember these whom I love and leave.
Isn't he the cutest???


Saturday, February 17, 2018

Feeling Relief

I have accepted an offer with The Waters, a LTC facility in Smyrna, TN. I have peace that this is where I need to be. I was given a offer with more money and less multi-tasking. The added bonus is an easier drive with less traffic. I will be the Activity Director for a 95 bed facility. It’s big but I will have 2 assistants. My last day in my present situation is March 2. I can’t tell you the relief I feel. I’ll share more later. Thank you for your prayers.

These are my joy and delight and keep me smiling through the crazy!

Both my girls enjoyed dates with their dads this week. I love them so much.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Unfamiliar Territory

An update...

I had an interview on Saturday for an Activity Director at a Nursing Home. It’s in a smaller neighboring town. The ride was nice, not on the interstate. It felt like the home in my small town community. Of course, I was very familiar with the terms, MDS, Interdisciplinary Team, Care Plans, Quality Assurance, Surveys, Elopement (yikes). Yes, there was that one, and the home is currently under investigation. Although,in some ways that is a red flag, I truly believe that the new administration is working hard to put some things in place to greatly improve the situation and move forward. I share the same ideas as the new administrator as to what the activity program should look like. It would be a revamping of the entire program from the ground up. My head was spinning with ideas. I may not get the job, but that’s ok. I felt that I did well and it was a great boost to my self-esteem which I needed badly. I got called for an interview with the job that I mentioned on another post. Two very different positions and this one would be a completely new environment for me. Something new may be what I need but the unfamiliar is scary and...well...unfamiliar. 

I’m praying that whatever God wants will be an open door and the other will remain closed. I can honestly say this time that I have no idea what is best. All I can do is trust The One who does.

My interview is at 2:00pm CST on Wednesday. Keep me in your prayers.

Some super cute ones to share.

Here were Harper and Mommy and Daddy cheering on the Olympic athletes at the Opening Ceremony.

This is Connor, the cutest little old man, on the 100th day of school.

My little princess ballerina.

Friday, January 26, 2018

I'm Propping Now


For those of you are wondering if I'm still standing, I've got a hand on my hip and I'm propping. 

I've worked all week on revamping my resume.  I feel satisfied now that I'm presenting the best "me." Someone who has been praying for me sent me a text with a job posting.  It is something that I could truly see myself doing, but something totally out of my mind-wave.  It's a job that would be beyond my wildest dreams and would give me opportunities where I could use my gifts and my loves.  I am not "qualified" and it would be a real miracle if I got it.  It would be a God-thing definitely. After all, if God calls, HE qualifies. There is no "Bachelor's degree" on my resume. However, somewhere in my spirit, I feel a stirring that God is preparing me for something.  I haven't felt this hopeful in a long time.  Last night, I had a critical moment of surrender.  I just got to the point where I said, "I can't do this anymore.  I've looked. I've prepared.  I've presented.  I'm done."  My daddy used to talk about "getting to the end of yourself."  I think I'm there.  I'll share more news later so keep praying. 

Today, I had several families tell me how much I mean to them.  I almost cried.  I do love them.  I'm just not physically and emotionally able to continue to care for them.  Pray that God will send the right person.  I've even thought about doing some private sitting for those that I am closest to.  There's one family that I have become particularly fond of.  We share the same beliefs.  The wife is a caregiver of her husband.  Their daughter and her husband are missionaries in India.  She has been wanting to go see them and doesn't feel that she can take him there or leave him here.  She's It'not willing to put him in respite care.  I've been thinking that maybe I can help. 

It's 1am so I must get to bed.  TGIF and tomorrow is Saturday so I can sleep in. 

Happy Weekend.

I'll leave you with these...

A fun night at 'Donald's.