Monday, March 6, 2017

I Have a Bipolar Cat

I'm as mad as a wet-setting hen,
as my mama used to say. 

I'm sitting here petting the cat and she (Her name is Callie.  Right now, she is "SHE.")
SHE grabs a piece of my arm
and clamps down, leaving a trail of blood. 
Really?

I have a bipolar cat! 
This happens often, sometimes more than twice a day. 
She has not been nice since the move. 
She is jealous of the grandchildren, the phone and the computer. 

I seriously don't like her!
We are both allergic and I want her gone!

Sorry, cat lovers, but I've had it. 

I honestly think, the sedation and move traumatized her.

My daughter's move traumatized their dog. 
He is now on Klonopin and Prozac. 
Insurance doesn't pay for!

Let me calm down and play nice. 
She's hiding under the bed. 

This morning I walked on the treadmill, had my quiet time, 
filed a claim for the second time for two $100 transactions
with Extreme Well and Pure You Shops for that fat-slimming
stuff that doesn't work.
For the second time, "A debit will show in your account in the next 2-5 business days,"
stated by Trey today and by Sheshaw (no, she didn't spell it) on 1/13/17.

Whew, it's a Monday.

Did a little crafting this weekend


with cloth that I got from The Nashville Flea Market.


I stripped and dyed some of the fabric with tea bags. 
Easy, peasy.


I tied the white strips to a line of twine.


I decided against the dyed strips and added burlap instead.


The little sign (that I also found at the flea market)
 wouldn't stay level so for now, it's on the ladder. 

I am feeling better and able to get my thoughts together. 
Maybe it's the sunshine. 
I gave up on Winter and snow. 
I'll take the sunshine and be grateful for today. 

I'm coming out of the funk. 
Maybe the cat will too. 


Thursday, February 23, 2017

A Glimpse of February

Surprise!  Two days in a row!
I guess I'm really needing to connect.
At least, I've moved from the sofa to the chair today.
That's a big step.

In the almost two years that we've been here, 
I've done little decorating. 

I had hoped to share my "pink" bedroom, 
which is actually gray, 
during Valentine's week.

I didn't add anything except the side table and lamp, 
but it made me feel good to make up the bed
if only for photos.
Hee! Hee!


I used pink in my wedding. 
It's always been my favorite color of choice
as most of you well know.


I think, 
pearls 
porcelain 
and pink!


I love the ambience here. 


This decor always makes me smile.
It will always be my favorite room. 

I had intended to share everyday in February with you, 
but of course, life happened.
So, you'll just get a glimpse.

Somewhere between then and now, 
this little girl grew up. 


When did this happen?  How did this happen?


This is my niece ready to go to her 8th grade Sweetheart dance. 
I can still see my little girl behind the make up and glam.


She has a piece of my heart, 


as these have my heart.

We kept the girls last Friday for the the mommies 
and daddies to have some time together. 


They had so much fun! 


Grandy enjoyed some one on one time with 
our oldest baby girl.


David is beginning to find some connection. 
He has been officially appointed Youth Pastor. 
The thought scares me to death. 
Being a PK, I know the expectations
the church has for its leaders.

This is a big step for him. 
He's an introvert by nature,
but a quiet, strong leader. 

It's intiminading when you're surrounded 
by seminary pastors, doctors and professors, 
educators and the educated. 
I told him, "They have the education.  You have the experience."

Doing youth ministry in the big city is not like 
doing it in a small town among a core group of leaders 
you started doing ministry with 35 years ago.
It's a challenge that we are looking at as opportunity.


These kids are precious. 
They are small, but mighty warriors for God. 
God is growing the church and that is exciting to watch.


It's not been an easy February.

This is how we do crazy when the whole family is sick and shut-in for days. 

Gonna start speaking some positive affirmations DAILY!








Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Missing Home

Looking back, I see that I've only blogged
about 5 times since before Christmas. 

It's been a really hard winter for us. 
David and I have been sick. 
We've both been to urgent care once 
and to the doctor twice in less than a month.
I had an asthma attack one night.
I will NEVER let my inhaler expire again.

We've managed to work, which has not 
necessarily been a good thing, giving 
our bodies little time to rest.

I had a tooth pulled which afforded me a 
few days off from work which I needed.

I've been in hibernation mode.
Spring is teasing me and playing with my emotions.

It's not been a cold winter in TN, 
but a dreary one with lots of gray skies 
and rain, cool and warm temperatures.
No Real Winter!


It will soon be 6 years in March since I've talked to my daddy.
This was his happy place.
This was home.

My husband's family lives on the other side of the lake now. 
Although I'm happy for them, it's hard 
to look across the water and see the old home place.



As I've said before, the hardest thing about 
going "home" is having no "home" to go home to. 

My daughter sent me a message this morning 
that they wanted to go "home" for a weekend.
She said, "Where will we stay?"

Right.  That's an issue. 


This is the image of my daddy that is forever etched in my mind.
The hard, hurting memories have now been replaced with 
good ones...
his teaching the little ones how to bait a hook 
and throw a pole or reel a fish in. 
I just wish he were here to teach my little ones...sniff! sniff!

I think the kids would like to go back here for a day.
It wasn't magnificent but it was home. 



I have many regrets, 
like why didn't we buy the home place.
We could have. 
We were just so ready to get away from all the pain. 
I've always heard, "Make no major decisions the first year."
I wish we had listened.

Some days, I long for the familiar. 
There are challenges with living near your grown children. 
We were empty nested for 13 years. 
We were on our own. 
We answered only to God. 


Sometimes the kids don't understand how we have changed. 
We're older. 
Sometimes, older looks "lazy."

We get tired easier.
Sometimes tired looks "depressed."

We like staying put and being home. 
Sometimes, staying put looks like
"you don't want to spend time with the children."




My longing for home, doesn't mean
I'm ready to move back. 
It just means I remember and I miss 
what can never be again. 
It's grieving and letting go. 
The first year here was our honeymoon. 

Now we are doing real life. 
Real life is hard. 
Change is not easy.

I think it takes us older ones a little longer to adjust. 
My kids may not see it like that. 

I'm gonna touch base with you guys for a bit, 
visit, then it's off to work I go. 







Tuesday, January 31, 2017

I'm Gonna Be Still Today

I just need to say, thank you, to all
who have encouraged me since my last post. 

I know it sounded desperate.
I suppose I was desperate, not for attention, 
as some may think, but for respite. 

I have since, stopped the med for ADHD. 
Although, I am back to being 
unable to find the words I want to say
or remember a person's name, 
I am not experiencing the overwhelming feelings 
of hopelessness. 

Sometimes, 
I don't know which is worse
mania or depression. 

I am able to recognize and distinguish 
between the two.
One always follows the other. 

When I'm on the meds, I am manic. 
Not the, head-over-hills-in-love-with-life kind, 
but the so angry-I-could-put-a-hole-in-a-wall kind.
The kind of hyper-anger that makes you feel like
you're in a boxing match with open air, 
jumping up and down, swinging and hitting nothing. 

I can't believe that we've been in our house 
almost a year and I've done very little decorating. 
I rarely go pickin'.  I have no interest in doing any 
of the the things, I normally love.  
That's when I know it's depression. 

Did I mention that I talked to our pastor?
He was very understanding and recognizes that it is not a spiritual matter. 
Thank God, for an understanding man of God. 

The church offered David a part time staff position 
to minister to our youth. 
I am seeing God breathe new life into him.
For that, I am grateful. 

However, in between, I began to voice my uncertainties to God, 
"We're too old."

He reminded me of Abraham 
and I remember the words God spoke to me about 5 years ago, 
"Along unfamiliar paths will I lead you,"
as was spoken to Abraham. 

I started to argue with God, 
"We are the least qualified."
And God reminded me of Gideon, 
of the weakest clan and the weakest in the clan. 
Yes, that's us!

I began to weep and cry, overwhelmed at the task that lay before us. 
God whispered, "Trust me."

I began to say, "The church is dreaming big, and we are so small."
God whispered, "I am going to do something in your day that you would not 
believe even if you were told."

This is what I truly believe, 
we have been put here for such a time as this. 
We have been put in this position so that when God answers 
and God moves and God builds the church, 
everyone will know and declare, It is truly GOD. 
There is absolutely no way this could have happened, BUT GOD!

I got out of my car and looked up a clear sky, 
a sky that has not been clear in a while.

God spoke, "See the stars and count them, if you could indeed count them."
Abraham?

Today, I'm not checking my emotional or spiritual pulse, 
Today, I'm not gonna beat my Bible and scream and cut myself 
in order to hear from God.
I'm not gonna drive myself crazy to get back something that is lost.
I'm not gonna let my feelings be my guide, 

I'm just gonna be still.
B.J. Thomas wrote a song when he rolled over to Christian music
in the 70's, 
"I'm gonna be still and let God love me."

This is what I am going to do today, 
Be still.


I replaced the Christmas tree with a ladder. 


Our House Number

I made this at Women's Craft Night last Fall. 


I added the photos of the Grands until I can get the energy
to put holes in the wall. 

Don't know if I need a hammer just yet!

Being Still,