Saturday, October 22, 2016


Today was a Bonnie-day. Yes, it was and I don't feel guilty, not one bit!

I went to try on clothes first, which I hate! I've been a sweat pants/pajama kind of girl for 5 years. 

I just drove around a bit. I noticed a sign, "Barn Sale," so I did a U-turn. Oh my goodness! I truly was on a sentimental journey.

The winding road took me back to the days of my childhood. I sat at this gate and thought of the days that my favorite cousin and I sat on the gate and talked about the boys we liked and sang songs 
to the tune of David Cassidy and The Partridge Family, "I think I love you..."

Although you can't see that the leaves are beginning to change, the feel of Autumn is in the air.

This was not the barn. The "barn" was a pre-constructed metal building and there wasn't much to see or buy. I liked this little shed instead. It reminded me of my granddaddy's shop. His shop was really a broken down shack where he kept two broken refrigerators repurposed to keep fishing bait. 

Now this I wanted to take home with me. 

This was only part of my day. I'll save the rest another day.

I have to tell you that I drove and reminisced. I shed a few good tears, yes, the good kind. I talked to a cousin on FB and we both agreed that it's time we got together.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

This is My Father's World

 I'm still fighting these overwhelming feelings of sadness. There are so many people hurting, people I love back home. It would be impossible to share how long my prayer list has become. We've had one tragedy after another for several months now. A young girl killed in an accident, a friend of my sister has a heart attack and dies at 50, several of my friends are fighting cancer and enduring treatments one of which recently lost the battle, mother and her brother are killed in an accident while her husband, a friend's life hangs in the balance, a young college sophomore is accidently killed by his best friend, both families that I love. It's been overwhelming. 

I am feeling the need to hear from the Lord more than ever before. This is when I miss home, the familiar, family and friends. 

Last night I chose to put in my ear plugs and listen to a Charles Billingsly concert on YouTube rather than listen to the ridiculous presidential debate.

It's safer in this little corner of my world. 

I took the plugs out for a moment when I caught the words, "According to the law, an unborn child has no constitutional  rights." That did it! 

Trump's response to Clinton's stance secured my vote for him.

If God cares for the birds of the air and is pleased to give his little ones the kingdom, then He's gonna take care of his children. 

Today I slowed down a few feet from the stop sign of our subdivision to behold the beauty of the Lord. In a world of uncertainty, of this one thing I'm sure,

This is my Father's World. He is and will be King of Kings and Lord of Lords regardless of who is president of this  land.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

I'm Done

Much has happened since my last post. The association with my recent employment with the home care agency has been a nightmare. 

I applied for the job and was hired on the spot. I didn't expect an immediate hire. I think they were desperate seriously and weren't not ready to be open for business. 

She suggested I come in for orientation, get everything in order, have TB test and take CPR class so that I'd be ready to go should I decide to work. The cost of both was more than I made in the two days that I worked. Stupid me!

Upon leaving the office, she said if you decide to work with us give me a call by the end of the week. I didn't call because I still didn't have a peace about it. Oh, I should have listened to my gut! 

She called me and asked why I hadn't called. She passively-aggressively stated that she had the one client for me and I would be perfect but she had to know she could depend on me. The ball initially was in my court, no pressure she said. I was to call her. When she questioned my dependability, I caved and took the job.

Of course, you know how the story ended. I took the the job and knew it wasn't going to work out. I called her and told that it just wasn't a good fit for me...

I have received several emails from her that my time sheet was not complete. Now this is ONE visit. She even said if I wanted to get paid that I had to return to the clients house and have her sign off on it. Mind you, it was initialed and that's all that was required after each visit. Had I completed one more visit, I would have gotten her signature because it was the end of the pay period,

The training was not adequate as she was basically running the office, answering the phone and tending to her personal business while training. There are three different ways to complete clock in and out depending on the client's insurance. Different numbers to call and different time sheets depending on the client's needs and mileage. I worked one day! One day! She continues to harass me with emails. She personally is going to have to make a trip to the clients home, blah, blah, blah. By law she had to pay me but, blah, blah, blah.,,

The story is probably not over as I finally spoke to her about the inadequate training that we received. However, I told her that I was done with the discussion and that I would no longer be corresponding with her in this manner.

On a good note, I have a part time job in retail at the outlet mall only 10 minutes from my house. Today is my second day. I'm tired, but I have a great team. My manager is priceless. When I left yesterday, she said, "Bonnie, I like you. I think you are going to be a great member of our team."  I almost cried.

This is now what my day
Looks like,

A walk through those doors...

And this.

I've traded these...

for these.

I've got much to learn but it's fun and good-bye to health care.

Friday, October 14, 2016

I Need a Little Color in My Life

Again, I find myself stuck, overwhelmed, 
heavy-hearted, unsure and depressed. 

I wonder where these feelings come from, 
what is the source?
Is there really a source at all?

Sometimes, there is no explanation
for this heaviness. 
It comes out of nowhere, 
just the malady that is attached to me. 

In my quiet time, this morning, 
I think otherwise. 

I need some color in my life.

I find the source.
The Lord has walked me through 
His Word since our move. 
I know that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.
There is a spiritual battle that I don't always recognize. 
Today, I do.

It comes in many forms..

Expectations from others, 
some realistic and valid 
and some of my own making. 

Either way, 
I try to please others. 

Someone posted on Facebook this week, 
a devotion from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young,
"Your concern to please others,
dampens your desire to please me, 
Your Creator.

These feelings often come when I step out 
in faith to do what God has called me to do. 

I am facilitating the start of a women's group.
I won't say I am leading because
I don't want the attention
and...what if it fails.

I know I'm being really venerable here, 
but right now, REAL is all I can do.

I'm supposed to be the strong one, right.
I'm the leader, the teacher.

So, I'm sitting on my back porch, 
asking God to make sense out of me.

I took a job this week, that I realize is too much for me. 

I came home, overwhelmed and spent.
I'm not 26 or 36 or even 46.
I'm not in the best health and I'm overweight.

My first assignment,
1.  Deep clean the bathrooms. Scrub the grout, 
the tile floors, and shower walls and door.
Clean the toilets, the sinks and the granite 
counter tops with granite cleaner.
2.  Dust bedrooms and all the trinkets.
Vacuuming, sweep and mop floors.
3.  Wash bedding and make beds.
4. Sort and do laundry.
all in my 3-hour shift.

When I asked her to sign my time sheet, 
she said the time was 3 hours, that I had stopped working 
30 minutes before when I was actually still working 
even as we were speaking.

As I said, I'm used to working hard, 
my body and back just can't do it anymore. 

I took on the task of being a caregiver.
I know that cleaning is part of caring for the elderly.
Thing is, this lady was only a few years older than I, 
was retired with an obviously magnificent retirement, 
with a magnificent house of which even I could not manage. 

I won't rattle on and on. 
Right now, our needs are greater than my husband's income. 
I know we bought a home, but rent was more than a home. 

So, much going on in this head. 

I think I'm gonna try to get a little closer 
to the color.  I think I need a little more than just white
in my life right now.

Jesus paints a beautiful picture, 
and not always in black and white,