Internal Distractions

I have been so distracted by my own thinking...

I didn't expect to begin with those thoughts

and never have I realized until this moment

that my thinking has distracted me. 

Distracted by busy things, yes,

traffic in a big city

(something I've never known before)

but 

distracted by my own thinking???

I didn't intend to offer a post tonight

because frankly my thoughts have been negative.

I seem to be distracted by what I see in others.

I am out of my comfort zone, 

feeling isolated 

and my brain is going 90 to nothing

thinking,

"I'm not 35."

"I'm not blonde."

(well I am because there's a box)

"I'm not beautiful."

All distractions of the mind.

I almost didn't attend a friend's daughter's 

shower yesterday because 

I was stuck in my own thinking, 

"She's aged beautifully and she's skinny."

"I look older than she does.  I'm 55 and she's 63.

She looks 55 and I look 65.

She's gotta weigh less than 155 and I weigh 195."

These were the thoughts in my head,

the distractions in my mind.

Tonight I attended my first Women's Bible study 

in this new city.

I listened to beautiful women of all ages pour 

their hearts out before 40+ other women

and their stories were all different, yet all the same. 

In this fellowship at Providence UMC in Mt. Juliet, TN, 

I find the Presence of God among the People of God

and it's a precious community.

We are all women with insecurities 

and pain and growing older whatever the age. 

The message that God spoke to my heart tonight was

We are often distracted by the external and the INTERNAL.

Internal?

Yes, I began to realize that most of my distractions are of the mind.

I'm soon to be 55 with not many external distrations

in my life right now.

It's the internal that causes the war.

Priscilla tells the story of missing the green light

while stopping at a red light to deal with 

the distractions in the back seat (the boys.)

God has given us a Divine greenlight 

and we are missing the opporunity to move forward

because we are distracted by many things.

I've embarked on a new journey, 

one I prayed for, 

one I asked God for, 

one I went boldly to the throne of God to request.

God has given me the land.

And yet, I have chosen to sit still

distracted by the internal.

God, in this study, let me see myself in light of WHO YOU are. 

Like Gideon, I feel like I'm the weakest in a clan 

of women who are more beautiful, more talented, 

and more of more. 

Forgive me for choosing to let these thoughts rule me.

Forgive the internal workings of an idle mind. 

May I see only you and glean from you the truths of YOUR WORD.

In the Strong, Strong Name of Jesus, 

Amen.