Sunday, August 9, 2015

Internal Distractions

I have been so distracted by my own thinking...

I didn't expect to begin with those thoughts
and never have I realized until this moment
that my thinking has distracted me. 

Distracted by busy things, yes,
traffic in a big city
(something I've never known before)

distracted by my own thinking???

I didn't intend to offer a post tonight
because frankly my thoughts have been negative.

I seem to be distracted by what I see in others.
I am out of my comfort zone, 
feeling isolated 
and my brain is going 90 to nothing
"I'm not 35."
"I'm not blonde."
(well I am because there's a box)
"I'm not beautiful."

All distractions of the mind.

I almost didn't attend a friend's daughter's 
shower yesterday because 
I was stuck in my own thinking, 

"She's aged beautifully and she's skinny."
"I look older than she does.  I'm 55 and she's 63.
She looks 55 and I look 65.
She's gotta weigh less than 155 and I weigh 195."

These were the thoughts in my head,
the distractions in my mind.

Tonight I attended my first Women's Bible study 
in this new city.

I listened to beautiful women of all ages pour 
their hearts out before 40+ other women
and their stories were all different, yet all the same. 

In this fellowship at Providence UMC in Mt. Juliet, TN, 
I find the Presence of God among the People of God
and it's a precious community.

We are all women with insecurities 
and pain and growing older whatever the age. 

The message that God spoke to my heart tonight was
We are often distracted by the external and the INTERNAL.

Yes, I began to realize that most of my distractions are of the mind.
I'm soon to be 55 with not many external distrations
in my life right now.

It's the internal that causes the war.

Priscilla tells the story of missing the green light
while stopping at a red light to deal with 
the distractions in the back seat (the boys.)

God has given us a Divine greenlight 
and we are missing the opporunity to move forward
because we are distracted by many things.

I've embarked on a new journey, 
one I prayed for, 
one I asked God for, 
one I went boldly to the throne of God to request.

God has given me the land.
And yet, I have chosen to sit still
distracted by the internal.

God, in this study, let me see myself in light of WHO YOU are. 
Like Gideon, I feel like I'm the weakest in a clan 
of women who are more beautiful, more talented, 
and more of more. 
Forgive me for choosing to let these thoughts rule me.
Forgive the internal workings of an idle mind. 
May I see only you and glean from you the truths of YOUR WORD.
In the Strong, Strong Name of Jesus, 


  1. Amen and Amen Sister! Keep seeking and go where He leads! Blessings, Cindy

  2. Oh Bonnie, I really understand what you're saying here......I have so many distractions lately in my life. I have even thought of taking a break form blogging. Let us pray together, my friend, and I appreciate you opening your heart with all the feelings that are stirring within you tonight. I have often said that sometimes our blog friends are easier to talk to than our real life friends. You are special, you are beautiful, Bonnie.

    love, ~Sheri

  3. Bonnie---I, too, dwell on what was and the here and now. I'm 55, overweight and yes, now rely on my hair girl to give me those blonde locks. I spend a lot of time not only looking inward, but in the writings of many sage women who reinforce the knowledge and perspective that we are what we are inside. All the beauty in the world can't save you nor make you happy if you don't feel loved, loving and content inside.

    Keep pushing. I am. :)


  4. It's so easy to be insecure as we age....hell we've all been THERE, we just need to realise we are way more than how we look and each day we need to ask....HOW can l serve, what would you have me do today, and if we truly live in the moment our minds won't be able to distract us.

  5. God made you to be you. you are precious.

  6. Our brains could be identical twins. Most of my distractions come from my mind too... which is where the battlefield is. I am all the same things you described about yourself. You are not alone. I appreciate your openness, my sweet you!

  7. Oh how I agree with each of your commenters and your post. I am embarking on reading about Godly Women....funny, how God speaks to us and how similar our thoughts are...I appreciate your honestly. AND repeat after me, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Blessings sweet friend.

  8. Why do we compare ourselves to others? We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made!" Sounds like you have found the answers in your Bible study!

  9. Oh dear friend, we ALL have similar internal struggles! I am 61, have added a few extra pounds and trying to think positively at all times! Notice I said "trying"! Life sometimes throws a rock in our path and we have to kick it out of the way! Sending HUGS and PRAYERS your way this morning! Good for you going to the study group!

  10. I hear ya, girlfriend. After walking away from my job 5 years ago, my head went to lots of internal distraction. (I poured myself into the job but it wasn't enough. I was being replaced....) Took a while to work through.....still goes there again at times.
    I so appreciate your honesty. I'm thrilled for you in finding this group of women to connect with. Blessings to you, my friend!

  11. Oh my friend...
    I can feel your pain.
    I am also a prisoner of my own thoughts...
    Mine are worry. Over and over.
    Prayers for you as you struggle.
    Please know I am with you struggling too! : )

  12. Priscilla Shirer is so good, and I'm glad you could go.
    I do the same with my thoughts and I bet you'd be surprised how many others do.
    You are beautiful - inside and out!
    PS - I'd like to be 195. :)

  13. I kind of lost contact with your blog but happened to find it tonight. Please consider having your thyroid checked if you are having problems with puffy eyes and depression. Of course, there are other symptoms but please look it up.

  14. I agree with Kim H (above). So many women go undiagnosed with thyroid problems.

    I think the aging process, and the vast physical changes that come with it, is one of life's most difficult challenges to overcome, at least it has been for me. I want to grow old gracefully but that mirror is certainly giving me a run for my money. The good news is God loves us just as we are and He sees the inside, not the outside.


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