Anne, I'm Finding a New Normal Too!

I want to share with you, my friends

a recent post by Anne at 

Fiona  and Twig: A New Normal.

Click here to read her story.

Fiona and Twig

I was overwhelmed with compassion

and empathy because I can so relate

to all she is feeling.

I know what it's like to want to pull the covers 

over my head and stay in bed.

Comments on her blog have been turned off

but I somehow want to 

convey to Anne that I understand

what she is feeling.

Anne is an incredibly successful woman.

Her photographs are featured in 

magazines like Romantic Homes

and Flea Market Decor'.

However successful, none of us 

are without pain.

Losing her mom, she has sought

to find a new normal.

Success does not shield one from trouble.

None of us are exempt.

This lady right here taught me how to live,

how to love life,

how to act like a lady in public,

and how to act wild and crazy in our home. 

She taught me how to laugh.

Mama said, "Every day you need to have a good "belly" laugh."

Most of our laughs ended with puddles on the floor.

Most people would not consider that lady-like.

But mama was every bit a lady.

I lost her to dementia three years before she left.

She lost those tears of emotion. 

She lost the ability to feel, laugh or cry.

I just want Anne to know that I sympathize 

with her pain. 

There is not a day that goes by that I don't 

think of my mama and miss her.

When my grandchildren were born, 

I wanted to call Mama. 

When we got the news that my daughter 

was pregnant, my first thought was, 

"I need to call Mama."

Every time I'm sick I'm want my mama.

Don't we all?

When I'm incredibly lonely 

or ecstatically happy, 

I want to share it with my mama.

I feel like when I lost my mama

I lost my family.

I, too have had to find a new normal.

Thanks Anne, for sharing.

After four years, I am still missing my mama.

Bonnie:) 

The Way I Choose to Remember Robin Williams

We sometimes forget that all men are fallible and mortal.

Robin Williams was a classic, an icon.  I believe that the roles he played were characters of himself. I believe he lived the role of Patch in Patch Adams and John Keaten in Dead Poets Society.

In Hook, he was the little boy who never grew up. I believe he discovered a little about himself through those he mentored in Good Will Hunting.  Many of his movies challenged me to become that character.  After watching Dead Poets Society, I wanted to become a teacher and teach with the passion of Professor Keaton.

Peter Pan made me want to become a child again.
Patch Adams made me want to make a difference in the lives of others.
Awakenings shed new light on the mind of the mentally ill.

Robin Williams struggled with addiction and depression and a disorder that kept him fighting each day. He was an unselfish human being who rarely talked about his own circumstances, instead masked his own demons by bringing joy to others.

He was my favorite funny man and my all-time favorite actor whom I admired more for his dramatic roles than even his comedy. I've tried to write about the man, a mere mortal man with weaknesses and I can not find the words to articulate my feelings.

I'm certainly not going to judge him.  I know what it is like to hide behind the mask.  I pray for his wife and children who surely knew what his days and nights were really like.  I choose to reflect on the smile that he brought to my face and the laughter that came from deep within my soul making me forget myself if just for an hour or two.  I choose to reflect on the passion in which he played each role and lived his life.

I choose to remember the Robin Williams that we knew and loved both on screen and off screen.

A Mid-Life Moment???

This time last week I was in Nashville. 

Tonight I'm somewhat melancholy for many reasons, 

some of which I can not express. 

I've never believed much in 

what people call "A mid-life crisis."

I mean, who really knows when mid-life is?

However, I'm beginning to understand more 

what that means, at least for me. 

All that once felt new, 

is beginning to feel old. 

That's okay when we're talking about old scales, old tins, 

old crates and old boxes.

I love the old, repurposed, cleaned, dusted, 

painted and usable again.

We work so hard to make the old look new, 

but why the new look old?

We do that, don't we?

I know, I do.

Sometimes, I honestly can't tell which is which.

Is this really old or new?

On the closest observation, I can't see what is the real thing

and what is not. 

Do you find it easy to see what is truly hidden

behind the gloss and shine?

Now days, I look closer at other women.

How old is she?

I know I'm rambling.

Just feeling like I need a do-over.

I look around and see women who are older than I. 

Through my eyes they look flawless, without lines, 

tucked, trimmed and toned. 

And, I feel weather-worn, sun-aged, and saggy.

So many products out three to add flavor. 

We can choose

hot or mild

sweet or sour.

Some women are called HOT!

Some of are sweet!

Some of us are neither.

At least that's how I feel today.

Sometimes I feel like I've been grounded, pounded, 

and poured-

into a mold that others want for me, 

or into a pair of pants that no longer fit

-or both.

Am I having a mid-life moment?

Granny would say, grab that apron over 

there and let's get to work.

I honestly believe that age is an attitude.

I feel 35, in my head, that is. 

Why do I look 64 and in my body feel 74???

while I am almost 54???

I need to grab an apron and get to work,

lose 50 pounds, of which 20 of that 

I carry on my shoulders.

Need to lose some of this weight-

emotional and physical.

The above photos were taken 

at Marche Artisan Foods

where we had Saturday brunch.

I had a veggie quiche

and yummy french toast. 

Yes, both!

It's been a tough week!

Maybe I'll feel and look younger in the morning.

Have a good weekend,

Bonnie

Have Some Fun!

Since I've been a little whack-o lately, 

the doctor (the Shrink!) wanted to see me. 

UGH!

When he told me, 

he felt like we needed to make some 

minor adjustments in my medications, 

I started bawling.

I really thought I had this thing figured out.

We talked about triggers

(I've had a few)

and how the mind, like the body, 

needs fine-tuning sometimes

(I knew that).

I just didn't want to hear it!

Before he left he said, 

"Go have some fun!"

I worked in my booth. 

I sold the gray TV stand so I've got to paint.

That can be fun!

Need to do something to this little spot.

Need to add some flowers

and something else to the tray.

Rearranging can be fun!

Much of my small stuff sold today.

That's fun!

My booth is at the very back of the flea market

and the lighting is terrible. 

That is NOT fun!

I keep vying for another spot!

Like my mind, the booth is really a mess!

I'm ready to buy some white paint!

Before I left, I asked the doc to tell Mr. H

that I needed a beach trip.

NOW That Would BE FUN!

He got out his pen, 

"Do you want me to write a prescription for that?"

He finally got a smile. 

Bonnie:)

A Chalkboard for my List

In my other blog, 

Living Life Upside Down

I have written an entry about practical

things to do when dealing with depression.

(It's still being edited.)

I was always a list-maker on the job.

Now, I am finding it more and more 

necessary to make lists at home.

Knowing that I have something to do,

gets me out of bed.

Yesterday, I did that!

An old ugly print with a great frame,

a can of chalkboard paint,

a bottle of acrylic blue,

a little distressing around the edges,

and I have my list.

Who needs a list for that???

I do.

Have a Happy Wednesday!

Bonnie:)

Spring Wreath

Therapy today, 

a trip to Hobby Lobby.

This is what I did.

This is what it was. 

Of course, someone else had done the hard part. 

I just hot glued and voila!

The flowers were on sale for $10.

Retailed for $39.

Remember the most recent vignette?

I just added the nest and egg to the wreath.

$0.

Cost of egg and nest- $0

Cost of flowers- $10

Retail Therapy and Activity- PRICELESS

Bonnie:)

If you know of anyone who has been given the diagnosis of depression, 

bipolar disorder, manic depression, anxiety or panic attacks, 

please have them visit my new blog at

Living Life Upside Down.

http://livinglifeupside.blogspot.com/

I warn you that it is REAL, 

but I promise to offer hope in the midst of pain. 

Today I Needed to See the Pink Peek Through

Went to see Uncle Junk today.

Found this great watering can.

It's not vintage, but has been used often, 

chippy on the inside.

The baby doll stroller IS VINTAGE!

The wicker is broken some, but the wheels are just fine.

You know I'm jumping up and down about the pink patina.
Love, love, love!

You can even see the pink peeking through.



Today I needed to see the pink peek through.

I've had to fight the dreaded malady of Bipolar Disorder all week,
the depression part is debilitating at times.
 It only takes one small incident to send me sinking.
Today I felt myself sinking.

I only made two stops and I was ready to go.
The jump-up-and-downs are just that, up and down.

Today I went to visit a hurting friend.
I was afraid and tired.

She lost her 36 year old daughter to cancer last week.
She had a 10 year old daughter.

My friend has been dealing with her own illness for 25 years.
She knows pain every day.
She feels isolated and alone.

I know isolation.  I know loneliness.
But nothing like the pain she now knows.
I stayed two hours.



I felt better.
I think she did too.

Flowers Amid the Cracks

I'm such a emotional person.

I love feelings.

I love it when I'm flying high with joy

and hate it when I'm in the depths of despair.

There is usually no in-between, 

the words are strong or soft, 

love or hate, 

life or death.

This is a process with me. 

I'm trying-really trying-to accept the in-between.

The moments of no emotion.

Because there is still emotion in the quiet-

there is peace,

there is calm,

there is trust-yes, quiet trust.

Somewhere in His Word, 

I remember a verse, 

"In quiet trust is our salvation."

It's most unusual for me to choose a pitcher with a print. 

I usually prefer white.

I walked around the shop three times

and kept going back to the same place, 

the same piece, the same pitcher.

I was drawn to it.

Almost like it was saying, 

"Choose me, oh please choose me."

And I did.

I'm most often drawn to the one with cracks

and chips and flaws.

That's what Easter is all about anyway, right?

Redemption, buying back (not without price)

what is broken.

And Resurrection, 

NEW LIFE!

Maybe that's why so many of us like to restore and reclaim-

because like these pieces we too are broken, marred, scarred 

and in need of a Savior!

Thank you, Jesus, that it is because of 

your brokenness that I am healed.

This has been a week of brokenness for me.
Pain in the midst of joy.
Joy in the midst of pain.

On second glimpse, 

I noticed flowers, amid the cracks.

Ever noticed how a flower will burst 

forth from a crack in the sidewalk?

That's

Resurrection Life!

Happy Holy Week!

Bonnie:)

Linking with From This Side of the Pond

Seldom do I do more than one post a day, 

but while visiting Simply Linda, 

but I thought I might join this linky party.

http://www.fromthissideofthepond.com/

Maybe you'll hop over and join

Random Wednesday 

From This Side of the Pond.

1.  What's the last foolish thing I did?

I played hopscotch down the steps

I missed a step and tumbled down the step

at the movie theatre a few weeks ago.

2.  What non-fiction are you reading?

I am reading Brene' Brown, 

Daring Greatly

It talks about how important it is to be vunerable.

To let yourself be known, to be real.  

The book has a few four-letter words that 

aren't in my vocabulary, 

but it's a great read with real-life truths. 

"We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives 

purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering."

I got really sad when I read this because there are so few 

people that I can be real with-too much judgement 

and not enough acceptance and unconditional love. 

I grew up with conditions as a PK.

But then I realized, 

I am real with my blogging friends.

Although you are far away, I love you

and treasure your friendships and pray for you

as I know you pray for me. 

3. Garlic or No Garlic?

Now, we don't hang in around the neck, 

but yes, love, love, love garlic.

4.  Spring Festival

I would have to choose the one in Knoxville, TN.

It's the closest to my children.

5.  How I Choose Which Blogs I Follow?

Honestly, I have a few that I truly connect with 

that I've gotten to know in just the past month or so.

Thank you, Mildred.

I search for blogs that are Shabby Chic, 

Spiritual, Rustic, Cottages, or like interests.

Photos are important too!

6.  When I last used Math?

Math?  What's that???

I guess I add, but do more subtracting when I

balance my checkbook.

7.  The Letter A?

Yesterday was an All-About-Me Day.

I had my nails done-

Shellac, french manicure

and my hair trimmed.

I went on a mini-shopping spree

and bought a pair of jeans. 

8.  A Random Thought about Me

If you follow my blog, 

you know I am absolutely in love with my family-

my husband and my children.

I have bipolar disorder.

I am either really happy 

or really sad.

Well, I used to me.

Now that we've found the right combination of meds, 

my dips and peaks are not so extreme. 

Thanks for letting me share, 

Bonnie:)

This smells soooo good!
I found it on my walk around the block today.
Does anyone know what it is???

The Crazy of My Days

Today I got the sweetest photo from my daughter-in-love. After a horrendous day yesterday, it made my today.

Yesterday was a continuation of the events of the past month. I am truly trying to make the best of the crazy of my days. Yesterday I went to sit with my little lady. We went to the gym. I drive her car. She does a Senior Sneakers exercise program on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I usually walk on the treadmill. I just haven't been feeling well this week so I told her that I would remain in the car and read. I hear this buzz three times. I think, "That's odd." So, I think, "Maybe I need to crank the car." NO THING happens. Turn ignition again, No thing! Dead Battery. Thankfully her SIL owns a shop and jumps it off and replaces the battery. She says over and over again, "I don't how that could have happened. It's never done that before." She has dementia. Some things she forgets, but this she does not! She continues to remind me that this has never happened with her before, getting angrier and angrier. Anything different throws her for a loop. I start to crank MY car to go home. NO THING! Mr. H works out of town. I think to myself, "What would my daddy do?" (It's the day of the 3 year anniversary of his death.) I start to cry. He would call Mr. Howard. Mr. Howard owns a parts shop. I call and he sends someone over. Of course, he's busy and it takes 30 minutes or so for him to find someone to come so I knock on my lady's door. "Can I stay with you while someone comes to bring a battery for my car?" "Of course, you can!" Sweet as pie, she laughs and laughs at the day we have had. I come home and cry. I feel awful and go to bed. Feeling more flu-like, I take my blood sugar and it is sky-high. It's not the flu, I know. Just stress! You know stress can pop it right up there! I so want to better control this malady. I am seeking a nutritionist and a new endocrinologist. Mine retired last year. Maybe I can get back on track. Diabetes led to my parents death. I refuse that curse! In Jesus Name. So today, I had my hair colored with highlights and trimmed and enjoyed some of my friends. Tonight Me and Mr. H went to Red Lobster and I got the broiled shrimp and veggies. So I did good. The face of my baby boy reading the book I made, made my day. Thanks for letting me share, Bonnie:)

BUT GOD

I'm trying to thaw out.

I don't mean from the cold of ICE, 

but from the cold of LIFE. 

Last night in our Bible study, 

I asked the girls to repeat:

"These worries I carry are legitimate concerns, 

BUT GOD is faithful and good."

"This situation I'm facing is awful and scary, 

BUT GOD is with me and HE promises 

He'll never leave me or forsake me."

BUT GOD...

Those two BIG words are powerful.

God's Word tells us to think on the things that are,

true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.

Tonight I choose to think of the things that are lovely (TO ME!)

My list of loves...

Music and Harmony

(my girl there in the middle)

Baseball

(that's my boy there!)

A hard-working man

who loves me and wants me to stay.

Candy Kisses

from this little man

Roasting Marshmallows on a Fall night

Sunrise on the Beach

Dusk on the Beach

Freedom

A Flea Market

A toothless grin
from someone who loves me

Memories of the Home place

A Good Belly Laugh

My Pink Room

A Precious Sleeping Baby
(especially this one!)

A Mother in Law
who loves me like one of her own.
(on the right)
Isn't she pretty?

Memories

Memories of Daddy reading the Christmas story

Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails
(two of my great nephews)



Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

(two of my great nieces)

My Favorite Time of Year

My Children and Their Life Partners
For These I Prayed

A Mountain Getaway

There's not enough time and space to record all my blessings.

Right now this emotional tunnel that I am in  is dark,
BUT GOD IS THE LIGHT IN MY DARKNESS.

What is your "right now?"

Fill in the blank...

Right now this (blank) is (blank)
BUT GOD is (blank).

BUT GOD IS STRONGER,

Bonnie:)