Wednesday, September 9, 2015

A Melancholy Fall Day

Reading posts, looking at your family photos, and
anticipating Fall has left me kinda melancholy today. 

My mama died in September, and 
I can feel it in the air.  

Don't get me wrong, 
Fall is my favorite time of year.
Judy at Gold Cottage talks about 
anticipating change. 

This season of my life feels a little weird.
Maybe it's the move. 
Maybe it's memories of the past, 
of mama and days when we were all family.

I painted the wooden tool box and filled the
watering can with mama's wooden kitchen utensils.

As much as I am absolutely loving this time
with my Grand babies and children, 
I long for my larger family too.

Strange, but I've felt her nearness so much
since the move.
I've even been cooking her dishes.

I miss my mama and daddy 
and the cousins and grand cousins, 
the nieces and the nephews all together.  

Added some Fall floral that she would have loved.
She loved making all the holidays special.
Family was no longer family
after mama and daddy died. 
They are what held us all together. 

I will share responsibility for some 
of the distance, even encouraged some it 
because of past conflicts.

But it's lonely.
Breaking away, regardless of the circumstances, 
always leaves a hole or a gap in the family circle.

Don't let that happen to you. 



  1. Bonnie, I think so many of us need a hug today. I am sending one to you. Today is the day that my mother passed away 9 years ago....and I miss her till my heart aches . I used to resent living on that corner in that little house with 10 siblings and not near enough room or food at times...but oh I would go back if I could just to hug them all and tell them , especially my mom how much I love them. Thanks girlfriend, now I am crying. LOL. I too miss the cookouts and gatherings of our big family. Our parents were the hub of it they are gone and each sibling has a hug to gather their loved ones around. We do have a reunion at 4th of July...but that is getting smaller. God bless you Bonnie, sending you love today. xoxo,Susie

  2. I can understand that. I'm sorry that the anniversary of your mom's death is rolling around and making you sad. The anniversary of my FIL's death is coming up next month too. i know it is often a time of reflection during those sad anniversaries. The death of the family "leaders" often does change the family dynamic. But hopefully, it will evolve into a new normal and won't feel so lonely.

  3. Sending you a hug Bonnie. Fall is a gorgeous time of year for new changes but it also can be hard on those that lost loved ones. The anniversary's of the dates brings up so much in your heart and mind. Hoping as you come close to the day you can remember all the wonderful beautiful times when your mom and dad were alive.

  4. I know what you mean...back at the end of July when I went to Ohio for my family reunion, it was great seeing all of my brothers and sisters but our reunions will never be the same since Mom & Dad died. I guess this is just a part of life and we all go through this but some days are just more melancholy than others. Like you, it also warms my heart to use some of Mom's kitchen items or whatever I have of hers...we just have to get by on our precious memories, and I thank God for them. Here's a {{hug}} from me too :)

  5. So true your Melancholy thoughts and feelings today. I lost my my in November 1991 and my Dad in December 1967. I miss them both so much. My mom because she was truly an angel in human skin, and my dad, because cancer took his out of my life when I was in my 20's. I miss his stories. He was such a story teller. I think what you are doing with your decorations and using her things will help you work through your missing her. I have all my mom's antiques on display on the shelf above the cabinets in the kitchen. Her gasoline iron, her food grinder, her sifters and other utensils. She is always in the kitchen with looking down with a smile....I tried to remember all the funny little stories my Dad told us, to tell our kids and the grandkids. We have to keep the memories alive.....Hugs, Hugs, and more Hugs sweet friend.

  6. Change, whether it be seasons or life itself, is hard and sometimes unsettling! We become such creatures of habit however, seasons of change are important for the cycle of life to continue! Praying that memories are held near and that you rejoice in the new ones you are now creating with your grands! Blessings, Cindy

  7. Oh Bonni, I so feel your sadness. I'm so sorry. I'm happy you feel your mom and I'm sure it gives you strength. Take care and enjoy and build great big family memories for your kids and grandkids! They'll treasure them~

  8. Thanks for this poignant post, Bonnie. I remember when my husband's parents passed away. It's like the pillars are no longer there and it is hard to keep a family together. I'm grateful I still have both of my parents and I do dread the day when they are no longer with me.

  9. I'm sending you a big hug, Bonnie. Your post sure has given me a lot to think about.

  10. Bonnie, it is a hard thing to go through. The 6th of September would have been my mother's 102nd birthday. Seems like yesterday that she was with us. I have been so lucky that our family has stuck together through thick and thin..We really celebrate my mom at Christmas as that was her favorite time of the year. Take care, Judy

  11. Oh, Sweet Bonnie! I am so sorry you are feeling sad. When we feel blue, I think it's a very good thing to just go ahead and feel all the sweet sadness ......and then it is easier for it to lift from our hearts. My husband's first wife of 41 years passed away in September 2000. We have been married 10 years now and the Septembers are not nearly as sad for him as they used to be. I guess it takes time. He lost a good bit of his family after he married me so that has been another adjustment.

    My mother is still living and I find that my siblings and I as well as many of our cousins are reconnecting and developing relationships we never had before. I used to think that after Mother was gone, we would not be 'family' any more but it is proving just the opposite. I am so happy about that!

    I hope when I am gone, that all my children will still love each other and be a part of each other's lives. That probably won't happen given the fact that all is not rosy now between all of them but I still wish it and pray for them to stay connected.

    You must have had wonderful parents and lots of happy memories!

  12. I understand how you feel. My Mom was the glue that held everything together, I miss having that base, that rock to hold on to.
    We try to get together as much as we can, but back then, nobody said no to mama!
    I love the way you have displayed your mom's kitchen treasure in the toolbox, such a lovely memory.

  13. I understand how you feel. My Mom was the glue that held everything together, I miss having that base, that rock to hold on to.
    We try to get together as much as we can, but back then, nobody said no to mama!
    I love the way you have displayed your mom's kitchen treasure in the toolbox, such a lovely memory.

  14. Sending you a big hug, my friend! Family is important. When distance is reality, that's hard. I hear your pain.
    I rejoice that you are near your kids and your babies.
    God bless you!

  15. We have the same thing with Bob's family and his Mom is still living. I think it must be hard on her, to see her family together only about once a year.
    I love what you did with your Mom's stuff - nice to have it close!

  16. My Mama passed away in September also! It is always sad this time of the year! We strive to keep our families together even if just a few times a year! Perhaps you should pull together a big family reunion in the Spring:) It doesn't hurt to try! Not everybody would come but those who did... would be glad to see the others! Enjoy your evening dear friend, HUGS!

  17. Bonnie... that was my grandmother's name. She's what inspires my home. I'm so glad you commented on my blog, but I'm so sorry you're hurting.

    My grandfather on my mother's side held that part of my family together and when he died, that bond died with him.

    All I can offer are (((hugs))) and well wishes.


  18. Oh Bonnie, I feel your pain. I miss my mom so much. (My dad has been gone for a very long time) We are struggling to continue with the family get togethers. Sometimes they just fall apart, as they did with my husband's family when his mom died. This month my mom would have had her birthday and we all would have gone out to dinner to celebrate. She would always have lobster! Just keep talking about your mom, her recipes, and all of that. Keep her alive in your heart.

  19. Reading this just want to give you a big hug. It's never easy after losing a loved one and it certainly changes the family dynamics. I live far from my family and friends and I miss them every day. Especially as my parents are getting older and their health is not as good. Focusing on the good memories is awesome, love that you have what she used to cook with...great for lovingly creating meals. Beautiful fall pieces... hope you have a great day!


  20. appreciate your honesty. sending you love, hugs, and prayers.

  21. {{{Bonnie}}} Wish I could give you a huge Texas hug in person! I so understand. It's tragic, in my opinion, that families separate because of loss. Unfortunately, that's what happened after we lost Abby. My son's wife is extremely bitter, angry, you name it! I know she's in great pain but I don't think she's going to heal with all this ugly inside.

    My favorite aunt, my mother's sister, used to hold all the family together with celebrations and gatherings. Sadly, after she passed away, everyone's just gone their separate ways. I'll never forget the good times & fabulous meals at her house. She was an amazing cook (had 5 kids) and loved her flowers and garden. I think that's where my love of flowers and having them in my house originated. She always had fresh flowers scattered through her home. :)

    I'm sure you have been feeling your mother's presence...they come to us when we need them especially. Sending you hugs, strength, a sense of peace and love.


  22. I saw the title of your blog on the comments of another blog, so I clicked on it. I've read a few of your posts and I can really identify with this one! Your whole blog feels like home and one of my closest friends name is Bonnie! I hope your sadness has passed by now.


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