My Daughter Shares Her Heart

I know.
This is my second post today.
What do you do on a snow day?

Our daughter and her husband 

have decided to share their journey.

Dear Friends:

Troy and I are now starting the six-week journey of IVF (in-vitro fertilization). These last two and a half years have been long and hard, but we take this next step with confidence, knowing this is the next right step for us.

We should start taking medicine in the next few days. We’ll start taking shots around the first part of February. We have a significant appointment with the doctor at the end of February to check our levels and do some testing for the embryo transfer. We’re expecting the egg retrieval and embryo transfer to be around the first part of March. Quite honestly, any IVF calendar is a moving target; at this point, these dates are estimates, at best.

I (Christy) recently read a book for school entitled Never Eat Alone. It’s all about the importance of building your professional network. The concept of “building it before you need it” stuck with me more for personal, rather than professional, reasons. We learned several tough lessons about authenticity and community over the past few years. It is hard to be honest with ourselves and our spouses, much less other people. And it’s even harder when the deepest questions of our hearts don’t have easy answers. People typically don’t like questions; we much prefer answers. This is especially challenging in our Christian context where we have been taught all our lives about good and evil, right and wrong, and yes, questions and answers (we were Bible quiz nerds, for goodness sakes). Upon the suggestion of trusted friends, we are writing this now because we know we need you and want to be intentional about sharing this journey with the people we love.

We know we need community. Recently, we have been attending a new church in Mt. Juliet. We don’t know if we’ll be there forever, but it is the right place for us now. We don’t know a lot of people there yet and have not had a chance to plug in – that will take time. We know that our church decisions have changed some of our relationships, simply because of proximity. That being said, we would like to make a concerted effort to stay in touch: schedule Sunday lunches, dinner, etc. We want to hang out with you to talk about things other than IVF. JWe want to know what’s going on in your lives too, the good and the bad. If you think of us over the next couple of months, feel free to give us a ring or a text. We’ll do the same.

We still struggle with the concept of prayer, though we find ourselves muttering them in spite of our questions. I have long taken comfort in this verse, “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.” (Romans 8:26-28a) We went to a service recently where the pastor described a dark time in her own life. In a pastoral staff meeting, she shared with the staff that she couldn’t pray because she was too angry and broken. The senior pastor simply said to her, “That’s okay. We’re praying for you.” My mother has told me that many times before, and I hope it is true. Just last Sunday, our pastor preached on the subject of fear and the hope of peace in Christ. He shared the story of the writer of the song, “It is Well With My Soul.” At the end of the service, the music pastor got up to lead the congregation in the song. Before singing, she said, “The last time I heard this song was at my son’s funeral 11 weeks ago. I can’t get up here and pretend that I feel the words of this song. And if you don’t feel them either, that’s okay. I’m not up here because I’m strong or because I’m brave. I’m here because I love Jesus.” I was blown away by her transparency and willingness to share so openly the deepest parts of her heart. We are more on this journey feeling many of those same emotions, but we are stepping into the pathway of God’s peace, even though we cannot feel it now.

Feel free to share this news, if you want, with others. After two and a half years, we are pretty open about our fertility journey. We think this kind of openness is really important for not only us but also others who may be struggling with similar situations.

We love you and are grateful for each of you. Thank you for allowing us to be real with you as we begin a process where we are not promised any particular result. While we may be too protective of our hearts to have high hopes for this process, we are confident and happy to know this is the next right step.

Love,

Troy and Christy

For your reference, we’ve included a link to the Resolve website. Resolve is the national infertility support organization. I know everyone won’t want to read this, but I know some find this sort of information hepful.

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

This difficult journey began when Troy discovered he had cancer 6 years ago.  However, it became increasingly difficult when they didn't get pregnant as quickly as they had anticipated.  The 2 1/2 journey refers to the time of IUI, miscarriage, anger, doubt, fear and a faith that has been shaken to its core.  

Praise God he is cancer-free and they are coming to place of acceptance and hope.

Again, I bring their faces before as you bring them before the Lord.