Wednesday, January 29, 2014

My Daughter Shares Her Heart

I know.
This is my second post today.
What do you do on a snow day?

Our daughter and her husband 
have decided to share their journey.

Dear Friends:
Troy and I are now starting the six-week journey of IVF (in-vitro fertilization). These last two and a half years have been long and hard, but we take this next step with confidence, knowing this is the next right step for us.
We should start taking medicine in the next few days. We’ll start taking shots around the first part of February. We have a significant appointment with the doctor at the end of February to check our levels and do some testing for the embryo transfer. We’re expecting the egg retrieval and embryo transfer to be around the first part of March. Quite honestly, any IVF calendar is a moving target; at this point, these dates are estimates, at best.
I (Christy) recently read a book for school entitled Never Eat Alone. It’s all about the importance of building your professional network. The concept of “building it before you need it” stuck with me more for personal, rather than professional, reasons. We learned several tough lessons about authenticity and community over the past few years. It is hard to be honest with ourselves and our spouses, much less other people. And it’s even harder when the deepest questions of our hearts don’t have easy answers. People typically don’t like questions; we much prefer answers. This is especially challenging in our Christian context where we have been taught all our lives about good and evil, right and wrong, and yes, questions and answers (we were Bible quiz nerds, for goodness sakes). Upon the suggestion of trusted friends, we are writing this now because we know we need you and want to be intentional about sharing this journey with the people we love.
We know we need community. Recently, we have been attending a new church in Mt. Juliet. We don’t know if we’ll be there forever, but it is the right place for us now. We don’t know a lot of people there yet and have not had a chance to plug in – that will take time. We know that our church decisions have changed some of our relationships, simply because of proximity. That being said, we would like to make a concerted effort to stay in touch: schedule Sunday lunches, dinner, etc. We want to hang out with you to talk about things other than IVF. JWe want to know what’s going on in your lives too, the good and the bad. If you think of us over the next couple of months, feel free to give us a ring or a text. We’ll do the same.
We still struggle with the concept of prayer, though we find ourselves muttering them in spite of our questions. I have long taken comfort in this verse, “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.” (Romans 8:26-28a) We went to a service recently where the pastor described a dark time in her own life. In a pastoral staff meeting, she shared with the staff that she couldn’t pray because she was too angry and broken. The senior pastor simply said to her, “That’s okay. We’re praying for you.” My mother has told me that many times before, and I hope it is true. Just last Sunday, our pastor preached on the subject of fear and the hope of peace in Christ. He shared the story of the writer of the song, “It is Well With My Soul.” At the end of the service, the music pastor got up to lead the congregation in the song. Before singing, she said, “The last time I heard this song was at my son’s funeral 11 weeks ago. I can’t get up here and pretend that I feel the words of this song. And if you don’t feel them either, that’s okay. I’m not up here because I’m strong or because I’m brave. I’m here because I love Jesus.” I was blown away by her transparency and willingness to share so openly the deepest parts of her heart. We are more on this journey feeling many of those same emotions, but we are stepping into the pathway of God’s peace, even though we cannot feel it now.
Feel free to share this news, if you want, with others. After two and a half years, we are pretty open about our fertility journey. We think this kind of openness is really important for not only us but also others who may be struggling with similar situations.
We love you and are grateful for each of you. Thank you for allowing us to be real with you as we begin a process where we are not promised any particular result. While we may be too protective of our hearts to have high hopes for this process, we are confident and happy to know this is the next right step.
Troy and Christy
For your reference, we’ve included a link to the Resolve website. Resolve is the national infertility support organization. I know everyone won’t want to read this, but I know some find this sort of information hepful.

This difficult journey began when Troy discovered he had cancer 6 years ago.  However, it became increasingly difficult when they didn't get pregnant as quickly as they had anticipated.  The 2 1/2 journey refers to the time of IUI, miscarriage, anger, doubt, fear and a faith that has been shaken to its core.  

Praise God he is cancer-free and they are coming to place of acceptance and hope.

Again, I bring their faces before as you bring them before the Lord. 



  1. Don't you find it more difficult watching your precious child go through a trial rather than experiencing it yourself?!! It is a wonderful letter she wrote. Thank you for sharing those beautiful persons and their petition for prayer.

  2. It is a wonderful letter. Christy and Troy, you are in my heart and prayers throughout each day. And Bonnie, you are in my prayers as well.

  3. Praying for you both...and holding your dream of a child in my heart! : )

  4. Thank you for this open and honest communication. Just today I was on someone's blog and she and I emailed back and forth because she has been unable to get pregnant. See, God put this here for a reason. I am going to send this link to her. Thank you and yes I will be praying FOR you on those days you can't pray for yourself- xo Diana

  5. Hello, Tell your children, we will be praying! And they are very brave.
    Thanks for commenting and being so sweet and kind! I enjoyed this post!
    Keep us in the loop!
    Blessings, Roxy

  6. Thanks for sharing this from her. I know this hurts you probably as much as it does them, and I am praying for them, and you guys too!

  7. Oh what a precious couple! I will be praying for them! BIG HUGS and continued prayers!

  8. I can only imagine what your feeling..I will keep them & you in prayer. Blessings

  9. Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been unsuccessful in conceiving for the past 4 years and just this month I finally made a call to the fertility clinic. It took me so long because I am so scared of what they might tell me. But it is time for us to find out. I read the article and I couldn't have said it better myself! I will definitely have to share it with friends and family. Thank you!


  10. Hello, Bonnie! I've been noticing your comments on other blogs, and decided to check yours out this morning. I was very touched by this beautifully transparent testimony of your daughter. We have two children struggling with fertility issues, but neither have gone the IVF route at this point. However, our nephew and his wife did have a son via IVF (after 12 years of marriage) and two years later had twin sons via IVF! They are the most delightfully beautiful family. I pray your daughter and her husband will get the desires of their hearts.


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